One Day At A Time
// 4.4.08 // Filed under: Parenting, Thriving
Many people espouse the benefits of a routine, especially for children. But for me – a homeschooling mom with a husband who owns his own business and works from home – my “routine” amounts to getting my family fed and making sure the kids arrive at their activities on time. Meal time, bed time, work time, school time, play time, exercise time – it all varies from day to day. There is no “get up, eat breakfast, go to school/work, have dinner, go to bed” schedule in my home.
Some days the kids have early activities and my daughter will fall asleep on the ride home, then nap for two hours and therefore go to bed late (she’s at that “almost ready to give up the nap” stage). Some days my son has activities in the early evening and my dinner and exercise schedule is thwarted. And every few months the kids’ activities change, necessitating a rewrite of any semblance of a routine I might have had.
This lack of a predictable schedule is difficult for me given my OCD tendencies. I am forever creating a “new schedule” in an Excel spreadsheet, attempting to create routine time frames for my work, exercise, and family. But something inevitably goes wrong and I toss the whole thing out the window. Cuz I’m crazy like that. If it’s not working perfectly, it’s not working at all.
My husband tells me, “Just do it once.” But my brain is not wired that way. If I can’t be sure I’m going to the gym on Mon-Wed-Fri, then screw it, I just don’t go at all until I can come up with a solid plan. You can see how this is not working out so well for me.
I think I’m getting ready to be done with that mentality though. I’m ready to start taking one day at a time. To move forward toward my goals instead of staying stuck.
What are your experiences with routines? Do you keep a strict routine in your home? How do you cope with your children’s changing schedules?
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The one routine I try to stick to, at least lately, is bedtime. It has to be somewhere between 10 and midnight, and I can no longer sleep with the TV on. It’s helped my energy level tremendously.
Routine is very comforting to me, but it’s also dang boring. I have to find a happy medium. I also don’t bother with a spreadsheet or anything–too much pressure to follow through.
Of course, I have no children or husband, so it’s a little easier for me. All I have is a cat whose routine it is to wake me up at 5 a.m. because, as I’ve mentioned before, he does not like to eat alone.
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What is this “routine” you keep talking about? I am unfamiliar with this concept. I try to get my kids in bed around the same time every night but beyond that we sort of just fly by the seat of our pants. I’m just not with it enough to hold to a routine.
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Instead of creating a schedule in Excel, why don’t you get a hand written diary, that you can write in each activity. That way you can see it clearly, and plan accordingly.
It is so hard to keep a schedule at home. When I had only one kid, it was easier to stick to a routine (given that you toss yours out and build upon your kid’s.) But now with two, I can no longer do that… I’d drive myself insane if I do.
The only ones that I find we do all the time at around the same time are..
drop off kids at daycare 830 – 9am
pick up kids at daycare always at 530pm (any later, they’d charge ya extra!)
one of the kid will get a bath each night (no, never at a set time or both in the same day.)
dinner sometime between arriving home and bed time.
bedtime – always before 10pm usually around 9. (i know it’s late but to cram everything in in short few hours, that’s the latest it gets.)
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The schedule in this house revolves around sleep time. Nap and bedtime. As long as we are home on time for both, anything goes in between. I’m pretty insistent on the same time each day/night, too. It might mean passing on certain plans, but it keeps the kids on a healthy sleep schedule.
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My day has no set schedule either. my son is also at the nap sometime’s stage. The day’s he does nap are worse because then he’s up very late. I work at home and teach him at home.I have learned to be a go with the flow kind of mom. Since I have no deadlines other than get some food when hungry and paybills on time, I try not to worry if we only did one lesson instead of two or today we had dinner at 8pm instead of 6pm. In my old life I worked by appt. only so I understand the OCD side. My son has taught me to be more relaxed by default. I also think age has mellowed me, at 47 I’m more patient, something I’m sure my son appreciates! Some days it’s ok just to breathe…
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The surest way to get me to not do something is to get me to put it on a schedule. I’m just contrary that way, is all. I wish I could be a schedule-bound person; I’m sure everyone else in the world is (you’re not, oh…). I realized this first when I lived in England and was working in an office. I would have my bath at night every night until–I couldn’t. For no reason, with no justification, I just couldn’t. All these umpteen years later, I’m still trying to Get Myself Organized. And still failing. My latest tack–to accept that that’s the way I am, for good or ill. Sounds like you’re on the same track yourself.
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Flexibility and adaptability are important qualities to teach your children. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Ha ha.
We have routines. I like to eat breakfast and get the kids out of their PJs in a reasonable time, whether we are leaving the house or not. We have some super hectic times (Mondays all day and Tuesday mornings) but I have lots of free time planned in (Weds, Thurs and Fri AMs) and by 3 pm, we are done. We do pretty much go through the same schedule week after week. We sign up for activities that go all year though, sounds like you do shorter sessions.
I try to sign the kids up for activities at the same time. For example, they both have gymnastics at the same time on Monday mornings and I take a Boot Camp fitness class. It’s a win – win – win situation for all three of us.
It sounds to me like you need to do less running around, too many activities. Do the kids give indications that they are tired? I know when my kids start to complain about going to things they normally love they are ready for a break.
Good grief, it looks like I’m reading my own writing. I’ve decided that those tendencies in myself are, in fact, perfectionism. I’m recovering;) It’s funny, though, because I always assumed that anyone whose house is as messy as mine couldn’t possibly be a perfectionist. (But then there is the all or nothing thing.) I’m working on forgiving myself, mostly, and also brainstorming some structure with my kids. They have great ideas and if they’re involved in the planning, they’re more likely to own it.
Good luck!
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Yeah, I could have written your post too, albeit not as well. I have even made the excel spreadsheet schedule! *laughter* There’s two things that help me keep my sanity:
1. We don’t do anything away from home in the mornings unless its a trip to the ER. The mornings are our best time to get things done around the house: learning, housework, etc.
2. I keep a running “list of things to do” document open. It has 100+ things on it, but I’m very visual and if it isn’t written down, I’ll forget. Every morning, I spend ~10 minutes prioritizing — my goal is to get the top ten things done on the list each day. Everything else is gravy.
That way, as things become more urgent, they float to the top of the priority list and get done. It’s way too OCD method of coping for my hubby, who thinks I’ve lost it, but it works very well for me.
I’ve been trying to stick to a quasi schedule since I’ve been at home, but it’s been hard because I want to take advantage of the flexibility of not having to work the 9 – 5; trying to have the best of both worlds, but not feeling very organized about it!
I’m glad to see that I’m not alone! A very timely post!
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Oh, I am not good in planning because I usually break my own scheduleâ¦I tried using Excel too but to no avail. So now, I just plan the day as it comes; I make schedule a night before which I usually do after dinner. I donâÂÂt waste any more time to plan earlier (say a month or a week earlier) unless there will be a vacation, holiday or event.
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Being OCD, I like routine and structure in my life, but when you have kids and own a home and/or a business, there are many unexpected things that come up (someone gets sick, has a tantrum/meltdown, something breaks, leaks or both, or a client needs their hand held) that put you off schedule. (I only have one child, so for you, multiply that by 2 and I’m sure there can be a lot of hiccups in the day.) If you are like me, you can get frazzled by the interruptions and frustrated that you are not as productive as you’d like to be. But, when you have a routine, you just pick up where you left off…you may have to skip over some things until the next day, but you get back on track eventually. It was more difficult when my son was younger, but it’s easier now. You can’t schedule everything, but you can create a routine of the important things; mealtimes, bedtimes, bathtimes, etc. or whatever is important to you. If you are overwhelmed even with a routine, it may be time to forgo one activity for another. Kids learn from this. They learn about choices and creating a healthy balance in life. It also teaches them coping skills; when things get outta whack, it’s not the end of the world. IMO, kids need consistency and so do adults!
“If itâÂÂs not working perfectly, itâÂÂs not working at all.”
That is me in every single way. I grew up that way too and I vow not to bring my kids up that way because it can be crippling.
I either have a full blown schedule with everything included or none at all. I cannot find a happy medium and I’m miserable either way.
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We are the same way. I hate it when co-op ends or we finish all our math, it totally messes with my schedule. The kids are getting excited about summer, but all I can think of is what are we going to do every week. I need a little structure! Now having said that, we are regimented at all. Sometimes we start doing our school work at 9 or 10 sometimes it’s all done by noon. I just need to have a general idea of what we are doing and then keep doing ALL of the time day after day, forever!
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I love schedules, too, but I agree with you, you have to step out and try new things as well. It’s that same balancing act thing that I suck at.
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I desperately need routines to keep my sanity, but the routines keep changing with all my kids activities! I keep our calendar updated with different colored sharpies so I can keep track of everything. As far as work stuff, I’ve tried different to do lists and online calendars. I need a new system though. I sit down at the computer some days and I don’t know where to start or I do what I want to do instead of what I should be doing. Ugh!
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We do the routine thing. At least as a basic rule. It helps me keep my sanity, but only if I can also stray from it as needed. I basically need a plan in mind in order to be accountable to getting things done, but also need to be able to stray from the plan as necessary in order to get things done. Yes, I meant to say it that way.
By the way, I also homeschool my two children and maintain a very part time career…some of it includes working from home office and some of it includes appointments away from home (I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor with a small private practice).
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I am neurotic so I need routine. My kids are still little and need it too. With my oldest I was a fanatice about it but loosened up with the second one. Sleeping is really the only thing that I am “strict” about. Naps are crucial and ig they get to bed on time I get to blog more!
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A basic routine with no times attached to it works here: breakfast; cleanup (that’s kitchen and teeth); run the dog; do tablework – that’s math, grammar, phonics, etc.; run the dog; read aloud if there’s time before lunch; eat lunch; work on any projects or do more reading; chores; free time; dinner prep time; dinner; free time or family time; bed. Adjust when there are activities outside the home. I try to keep outside obligations during the day to twice per week.
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Why, yes we have a routine. Somewhere, now where did I put that routine? I keep a agenda book on hand, just so we don’t overlap a birthday party (I have been know to). We do have a set bedtime for the boys. I limit the boys to 2 activities a week. Right now we are doing Baseball and Kumon. I want the boys to understand a routine can be a great thing, they were just given a mother that can’t seem to adhere to one.
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When I had my first baby, I was ready to go with the flow, blah blah blah, but I discovered that I was a lot happier when I tried to implement a loose routine of sorts. I was pretty fanatical with meal times and sleep times when my kids were little and it was a tremendous help to my mental health.
I’m still kind of that way, but I work and my kids go to school and my husband is also self-employed (and as luck would have it is more flexible than I am!) and so probably if I homeschooled I’d either drive everyone crazy with my over-the-top organization or I’d crawl under the covers and never come out for fear of the chaos!
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Oh… you said it perfectly. That is exactly how my days go. I am always trying to keep it all together with the schedules, but each day somehow changes. I have started to use MomAgenda calendars ALL over the house. One hanging on the fridge… one on our basement door and 1 in my purse. It’s the ONLY way to keep us sane and ready. My husband works out of our house as well… as do I half the week… so it’s always a different routine each day. Love your blog!
Best,
Audrey