Failure to Parent
Filed Under: Parenting
Last week I put up a gate in front of our stairs.
A gate. Like, for a dog. Except, not for a dog. For my daughter.
I have an odd mindset when it comes to children and certain safety precautions. Maybe it’s because my first child was so easy - he listened when you said “no,” he never got into things that were dangerous, and, of course, he was the only child. I always felt that if I had to gate my child, or safety-latch every cabinet, or put those covers on every door knob and oven knob, then I wasn’t doing my job as a parent. I wasn’t paying enough attention.
To be honest, I would even silently scoff when I saw crayon marks on other people’s walls. I mean, how much were you ignoring your child to have let that happen?
Then along came C. And I was enlightened.
Having a second child has been unexpectedly challenging for me. As I’ve mentioned many times, she is a tornado. No, wait. A hurricane - relentless in her energy and tenacity. With two children to care for, I simply can’t keep on top of her.
So. The gate. Reluctantly, I installed the barrier between my daughter and a tumble down the stairs. I’m preventing her from exploring the house because I can’t give her my full attention or follow her around all day, acquiescing to her constant curiosity.
Rationally, I know this is necessary for her safety and my sanity. Emotionally, it feels like a parenting failure.
PHAT = Parenting, Homeschooling And Technology. That about sums up my life at the moment. 
Subscribe To This Blog
Kristi | Aug 28, 2006 | Reply
How could you not do a gate? I won’t tell you what I’ve discovered on my bathroom floors after neglecting my kids for hours at a time…you gotta do a gate.
Stephanie | Aug 28, 2006 | Reply
I am actually thankful that I had my child that stretches me as a parent and a person first. I never had any delusions that I knew what I was doing! :o)
I think that it must be harder to have your easier child first. And remember…our kids are who they are. We have some ability to influence them, but we really can’t take full credit (for good or bad!) for their behavior.
The good thing is that while being strong-willed as a kid can be very challenging to a parent, it is actually a good trait to have as an adult. The trick as my husband and I joke is helping them learn to use their talents for good rather then evil. :o)
Heather | Aug 28, 2006 | Reply
You are hard on yourself…I am still where you were with one child, and the gate is, well, it’s just a necessity for safety. I am sure my second will also push me further…for now I know A is easing me gently in as I get my bearings in learning to trust my instincts.
Good post, I will come back.
Sharon | Aug 28, 2006 | Reply
A safety gate is for safety, not for your lack of parenting. Contrary to the popular myth, we as moms do not have another set of eyes on the backs of our heads.
I thought I would never ever use one of those child “leashes” on my child. Now, I don’t use one for outings at the mall or the amusement park, but I did end up using one when my parents got their boat. We’d attach it to the lifevest, so we could grab it if my daughter who was younger at the time could have some motion, but could be prevented from going near the gate/door for that split second that it takes you to go after her that might be a split second too long. It wasn’t my favorite thing either.
I still prefer a hand when walking around the mall. I Love to have a little hand in mine.
great day | Aug 28, 2006 | Reply
I just had to put TWO gates up last week. One in the kitchen doorway and one in the bathroom. both for safety. Kitchen = stairs, bathroom = germs and big mess.
If it’s for their safety it is in no way a failure!
In fact, kudos to you for doing this because you recoginize how fast she is. Instead of being ignorant and not thinking anything will happen!
Joy | Aug 28, 2006 | Reply
Shannon,
When my last two came, less than 2 years apart… I put up one gate after another each with a more complicated latch system, only to have them figure out how to get through the gate within a week!
You are SO not a failure! It is impossible to keep your eyes on your children 24/7. We have to do our best and put bumpers and boundaries around everything we can!!
I love reading your blog. You and Kristen get me through the day!!
Zany Mama | Aug 29, 2006 | Reply
I think as parents we have to use all the tools available to us - for some kids we’ll need gates, some kids will respond to soft words, and others will need a leash. It’s not a failure to do whatever works to keep you and your family sane, safe, and healthy.
On the other hand, I really liked how you were “enlightened” when Leia came. It’s good for all of us mamas to give ourselves - and each other - a break.
Todd weldner | Aug 29, 2006 | Reply
A gate?
Child proof?
Ha.
It’s only child proof until she figures out how to navigate around, over, or under it, or how to operate it.
Kids are very smart and can figure out so much just by watching and listening to us. The gate will not last as long as you will want it to.