24: Bauer’s Got Nothin on Me

// 7.21.06 // Filed under: Parenting, Thriving

PHAT Mommy is proud to bring you a special summer edition of the critically acclaimed 24. Content may not be appropriate for younger audiences. Reader discretion is advised.

The following takes place between 6:00 pm Tuesday 7/18 and 6:00 pm Wednesday 7/19.

6:00 The skies darken ominously. I check weather.com and see that storms are headed our way. I don’t get concerned about the BIG RED BLOB moving over my area because these summer storms often pass by or die out quickly.

6:15 The wind picks up. I head outside to close the patio umbrella and secure some flying pool floats. I’m pelted by heavy rain. I suddenly hear a thunderous CRASH as a tree tumbles inches from our shed. I head back inside to find that the power is out.

7:00 I’m starting to get concerned because the power is not back on and tomorrow I am going to NYC to attend a roundtable discussion on moms and the internet (because apparently I am Somebody). I decide to paint my toenails before it gets too dark out.

7:15 I can’t get on my computer, I haven’t blogged ALL DAY and I’m starting to have withdrawal. C’mon. You know what I mean. I play Uno with L to take my mind off things.

7:30 It’s like 100 degrees in my house. I have to put C to bed in a hot, eerily quiet room (she usually has a sound machine and fan running). I’m silently cursing like a sailor. I lay down on the bed with her and we both fall asleep.

8:00 I wake up to hear the sound of trucks on our road! Ah! Rescue! I put my sweaty, sleeping daughter in her crib and head downstairs.

8:30 No power yet. L & I decide to just go to sleep. It’s storming again and he’s a little freaked, so he wants to fall asleep in my bed. We cuddled. PHAT Daddy stays downstairs and reads by flashlight. Having no power is kinda cool sometimes. Ya know, forcing the family to read and play games and not have the TV or computer on, yada yada yada. Except, right now? It freakin sucks.

12:30 I wake up and see that the power is still not on. Curse.

2:07 I wake up and see that the power is still not on. Curse some more.

4:00 I wake up and see that the power is still not on. Curse a lot more. Start to formulate plan for getting showered and ready for my meeting in NYC. The gym! Yes, that could work. Lay in bed for awhile planning and deciding what PHAT Daddy and the younglings should do.

5:03 Hear PHAT Daddy moving around downstairs and bolt down. Immediately start laying out my plan for the day. PHAT Daddy looks at me in a daze and says, “I was just going to the bathroom. I’m not ready for this yet.” He goes back to his sleeping spot – inside the kids’ Bob the Builder play tent. Why, you ask? Because it’s next to the windows and there’s a breeze coming in. Ooookaaayyy.

5:05 Deflated and having no one to share my master plan with, I call the power company for an update: Lines down all over the place, possible restoration of power by late day or early the next morning.

5:35 C wakes up. We play a little and have some dry cereal. Oh! I didn’t mention that we have well water and a septic system, so when we don’t have power, we can’t use the water or flush the toilets. Nice.

8:30 We decide to head to the health club. The kids have breakfast with Daddy and I shower and get dressed. This takes me much longer than I anticipate, since I am not in my own groove in my own house.

9:55 Start to freak out because I am going to be late for my meeting. The plan was to drop the family at my in-law’s (ya know, so they have food and water and air conditioning), then drive to the City. Start interrogating PHAT Daddy:

Me: “How long will it take me to get to the Lincoln Tunnel from your parents’ house?”
PD: “It’s possible to make it to the city in an hour.”
Me: “No! HOW LONG to the TUNNEL!!!?”
PD: “Um, maybe 45 minutes?”
Me: “Shit! I am so late. I might as well just forget it.”

10:20 Continue freaking out in the car. PHAT Daddy suggests they drive me into the city and drop me off to save time. L has a meltdown in the backseat because he won’t be going to Grandma & Grandpa’s. Try to bribe him with promises of grandeur: the CITY! Big buildings! ESPN Sports Zone! The Intrepid! Candy!! He’s not impressed.

11:45 Enter the Lincoln Tunnel and feel a tiny bit hopeful I may make the Noon meeting.

12:10 Finally arrive at the meeting. Try to compose myself in the elevator. Envision walking into a quiet room where everyone is listening to a presentation, tripping over something and looking like a COMPLETE loser. I’m so good at positive thinking.

12:11 I’m not that late! Everyone is still milling around and chatting. Whew! Walk into the room and find my seat while trying not to appear blogstar-struck by the big-wigs around me. Ya know, playing it cool, keeping it real.

12:12 Liz from Mom-101talks to me. I attempt to respond with wit and brilliance. End up sounding like the new girl who desperately wants the cool kids to like her.

12:15 Participate in lively conversation with amazing folks like Samantha from ModernMom, Liz from Mom-101, Liz from This Full House, Greg from DaddyTypes, Danielle from Celebrity Baby Blog, Victoria from Savvy Mommy, and Jill from GothamBaby. See? I told you I was somebody!

1:50 Meet family outside the hotel and walk to parking garage. Feel momentary remorse that we’re not taking better advantage of being in the City and doing something really, um, urban. Remorse is quickly replaced by desire to get out of the blistering heat and go home to see how much of my food is spoiled.

3:28 Find that our road is still blocked off. Flag down power company worker to get the lowdown. Two utility poles on our road came down and there are live wires in the stream. Also lots of other lines down around town, so power may not be restored until the following day.

3:32 Arrive home. L has to go poop. So do I. This poses a problem when you can’t flush your toilet. He goes to the bathroom. I do the poppy dance outside the door, begging him to hurry. PHAT Daddy asks why I just don’t use another bathroom. “If we can’t flush, we’re only having ONE poop toilet in the house!!” I bellow. Don’t ask. I was hot and pissed.

3:45 Done with my business, I open the bathroom window and close the door. We all ponder what to do: stay home with no water or food and smell the shit all night? Stay in a hotel? We decide to go visit family. I throw just about everything in the refrigerator away, then we pack and leave.

6:00 Arrive at Panera’s with laptop to use wifi. PHAT Daddy checks email. I am so disgusted with the day, I just stuff myself with potato soup, turkey panini and an I.C. Caramel. After eating, we drive to the family’s house.

I called the power company and found out the power came back on Thursday morning. But my food in the freezer will be bad and my house will smell like the shit in my toilet. I’m SO looking forward to going home.

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