Kate Gibbons

Autopsy reveals child was tied
http://childabuseaustralia.wordpress.com/

But I would like to say something that no one has touched on yet. Some people want to take what they see as a good thing and pass it on to others as if it is a one-size-fits-all solution. This is the Pearls greatest error. The fact that they raised their own children well speaks well of them. But this one-fits-all approach to parenting does not have enough give.

Their children are not our children. Our lives are not theirs. So naturally, people will read the book and then attempt to implement the ideas through their own emotions, philosophies, and experiences. Ask a group of Christian women how they honor their husbands and you will find some things you would NEVER do. In fact, you would probably find some of their “honoring” distastefull. But to be fair, you might also get some good ideas too.

But the point is that one parent might switch a child for something that would not even register on the actions-that-require-a-switching list for many of us. Others may look the other way when discipline is clearly needed leaving us to wonder why that was allowed to go without correction. I am not an advocate of spanking per se. Like Ellie, I think a slap on the wrist is better than finding your child on the floor because he was electrocuted.

As a born again believer I just don’t see that the bible advocates spanking as a normal part of a Christian life. Our Heavenly Father does not discipline us that way. Everytme I chose to do something that is contrary to His Word does He find someway to physically punish me? No He does not. The best punishment that God employs is to allow us to have free will to chose to do right or wrong. The truth is that WE muck things up for ourselves then wind up calling to Him for help. I believe God chastises His own because the Word says He does. But I believe His chastisement is rare bedcause He sees that we do a good job of hurting ourselves. I hope to never have to suffer the direct chastisement of the hand of God.

Aside from sticking a finger in the electrical socket or drinking furniture polish I think that spanking as a child training tool is far overated by some and demonized by others. There is a balance which is, of course, hard to achieve. We will never agree where the line is either. By becoming polarized on an issue like spanking we aren’t likely to ever find that line.

Do I still think the Pearls are dangerous? Yes. Because they see themselves as having truth. And this truth is on an issue that can have devastating results. I visited their website today and found this:

[Punishment is not about training or correcting behavior; it is about returning “an eye for an eye.” The concept behind the principle of punishment is, “You caused pain and suffering in others, so you will receive pain and suffering as a means of paying for your wrongdoing.” ]

They do go on to say that a child under the age of three does not possess a command of the language, nor can he effectively think in terms of philosophy or principles and therefor cannot benefit from punishment.

As soon as my children were old enough to get into things I had to find ways to keep them from hurting themselves. It did not matter if they could speak or understand what was being told them. How many of us have to be convinced that a toddler understands what “no” means? Sure, it isn’t a full understanding but it is there. For instance: None of my children were allowed to hit, bite or scratch other kids. For goodness sakes, Babies learn to do those things in the church nursery or daycare. So I had to “punish” them by saying “no” when they would be mean to other kids. If they persisted it was then I had to find a way to redirect or invoke some kind of time out even if it became nap time. Honestly, just a “no” could provoke copius tears from my children. Who like being told no? But they also saw me tell other children “no” when I caught them being mean to them as well. OK, I call that “guiding” but I know some would call it punishing.

I digress. To train a child to think in an
eye-for-an-eye manner is scary. Words mean everything and the Pearls need to rethink how they are saying what mean to say. In my opinion the ultimate teacher is Jesus himself. He died for our sins. His grace means that we will never pay the price for those sins. We do not have have carte blanche to sin as much as we want because He chose to redeem us. So why do the Pearls teach this eye-for-an-eye methodology when Christ himself does not hold us to the same standard? I don’t get why they don’t get it.

Punishing children with the ROD is not Biblical.

Have you read their materials? We could debate many points, but on this issue the Pearls have taken a very clear position: If the husband is molesting the kids, and the wife is aware, she has both moral and legal responsibility to do something about it–i.e. turn him in. This was clearly and specifically addressed in Created to be His Help Meet (perhaps other places, too).

My name is Rebekah Anast, I am the firstborn daughter of Michael and Debi Pearl, the authors of the best-selling book To Train Up a Child.

A handful of angry people have begun an outcry against Michael and Debi Pearl for the child-training principles in this book. These naysayers have also struck out against The Old Schoolhouse Magazine for refusing to reject the paid advertisement of the No Greater Joy Ministry materials, and for refusing to make a public statement of dissosociation.

Along with quoting out of context, verbalized anger, and false assumptions, they have attacked those associated with the Pearl family, and threatened to shake the fragile platform of homeschooling in the UK by going to the media with the sensational story that certain UK homeschool groups are hosting the infamous “extreme ritualistic child abuse advocators, Michael and Debi Pearl.”

In every society there are “movers and shakers,” those people who call the media, make the stories (or the stink, as the case may be) and bring about changes that effect the thousands of ambivalent and, often clueless, masses. Some of these movers and shakers have the good of the masses in mind, others are simply angry, irrational people that need attention and like to make a scene.

Unfortunately, the media thrives on these sensation-makers, and is quick to poison the waters of truth if the poison is offered on the silver platter of a “hot story.”

How do we combat the irrational and unfounded sensationalism that would poison the waters of our communities? With truth. If the media wants a story, give them the truth. Let them know that we are very aware of the lies and sensation being spread, but that we’re not afraid of it, because we know the truth.

These sensational story-tellers say that Michael and Debi Pearl teach child abuse, the subjection of women, and general injustice.

I would know (I am their daughter) whether their techniques are violent and unjust, or loving and temperate. I would know if the result is an emotionally damaged and fearful child, or a creative, successful, happy adult. I would know, yes, better than any one of these angry people, whether Michael and Debi Pearl are barbaric child abusers, or loving, successful parents.

Every type of abuse leaves evidence to prove its occurrence, whether it be a mark on the spirit or the body. Let me give you the evidence that is me:

I am 32 years old, married and the mother of three children. I am the happiest person I know, and my life is full of fruit; my own three very happy, balanced children who are completely sound in body and mind.

I have written articles, books, screenplays, and traveled the world for 4 years, meeting new people, eating new food, ministering to those in need, and loving life. I always returned to my favorite place and my favorite people… my family.

I married a wonderful man who is worth every moment of reverence and honor I give him; he is my best friend and only lover.

I have very few bad memories of childhood, all of which I can recall clearly; my dog dying, my hand getting cut on a fresh pine board, my brother being stung by bees, and my father’s grief over a friend’s suffering. That’s all that I can recall.

I remember only one spanking. I remember it because I laughed all the way through it, and so did my Dad. I had played a prank that was dangerous, but funny, and fully deserved a spanking for it, but my parents were unable to spank me without laughing. That is the only spanking I clearly remember. The others were so well-deserved my conscience was able to write off the memory once the deed was paid for.

I was never injured in body or spirit by the training I received. I was never “struck” in anger. I did receive non-injurous spankings on my fully clothed backside with a willow switch when I had clearly transgressed a known “law” of the house. These spankings did not leave bruises or abrasions, or emotional distress.

I learned by the gentlest way possible that foolishness has consequences and wise choices make life comfortable. This training has literally saved my life and I am eternally grateful to both my parents for using a literal rod to train my flesh to make wise choices.

My brothers and sisters were my best friends growing up. We did everything together; swimming, playing, working. We usually got in trouble together too, and when spankings were due, they were due all around. However, trouble was hard to find, as either Mom or Dad was almost always with us, joining in the fun, the projects, and the learning. From dancing in the rain, to building forts, to learning to ride a bike; they were there, so much a part of my life.

A person is innocent until proven guilty. I have proof that Michael and Debi Pearl are wise and loving parents: I am the proof, and every one of my siblings would agree with me.

Almost everything we (my parents) have ever written is available online for FREE on nogreaterjoy.org; and everything else is as inexpensive as possible while still allowing No Greater Joy to operate as a non-profit organization, geared toward helping thousands of parents and children.

A lot of information about the Pearls on the internet is simply taken out of context or completely misquoted. Look up the quotes on nogreaterjoy.org for yourself and make sure your source isn’t lying or misconstruing the truth.

It’s important to the homeschool movement that we be accountable for our views, instead of blindly following the loudest sensationalist, or giving them credibility of any kind.

Rebekah (Pearl) Anast

I give full permission to reprint or repost this article in it’s entirety in any format.

I know Guantanamo Bay has confused alot of people, but really folks, torture is against the Geneva convention, and the Pearls’ do qualify. But just to make sure I wasn’t taking that one work out of context I read a bit more of their work (Debbie Pearls’ Helpmeet book.) and I was even MORE horrified if that were possible.

It will be hugely interesting to see how dysfunctional the adults are a couple more generations down. But to quote a very sage woman….my mom. “It’s not okay to hit.”

You can also find more info about this topic on http://happyhomeschooler.blog-city.com/

Lesa

i am on homeschool blogger currently but am planning a move…not because i want to be disassciated with the pearls, but because i want to be in neutral territory. it’s getting too stuffy there. i guess i didn’t realize the nature of the discussion until i got there and read more.

i largely agree with the other homeschoolers in their beliefs and convictions, though i am NOT a supporter of the pearls.