Gifts for Teachers?

// 8.12.05 // Filed under: Parenting

L’s last swim lesson was this week. As I waited for him to come out of the pool, I noticed that a couple other mothers were giving a gift to their child’s instructor at the end of their lesson.

Wait a minute. A gift for a swim instructor who was only with your child for 1/2 hour per week for six weeks? Is it just me, or does anyone else think this is a bit excessive?

Since I homeschool, I have not had to concern myself with the “protocol” for teacher gift-giving. I suppose if my child took lessons that lasted several months, or an entire school year, I would give something to show our appreciation. Here’s my problem: Is there no line drawn? Does every person who teaches your child anything get a gift? What if the person did a lousy job at teaching? It seems there would still be that parent peer pressure to give a gift.

Then I start thinking about birthday parties. I hear other mothers complain that they “have to” invite every child in their child’s class to their birthday party, so no one feels left out. But if your child truly does not like a certain classmate, should he/she be forced to invite them to their birthday party?

Where do you draw the line between being honest and avoiding offending someone or hurting their feelings?

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4 Responses to “Gifts for Teachers?”

Mother Crone's Homeschool says:

8.14.05 at 8:26 am

I think that somehow, the days for just being polite for the sake of politeness are gone. Why? Because children tend to be much more inappropiate, more often, giving more real reasons to not wanting them around.

I used to struggle with this when my kids were little. I have an old friend, whose boys are bullies, and a niece who is violent even when medicated. I knew that even though it would have been polite to invite them, their behavior would have ruined the party.
So, without making excuses, I didn’t invite them. I also made sure not to discuss the party around them, and when it did come up, I told them we were cutting back on size and having only the kid’s closest friends.
The most important thing is to remember that it is your child’s day…and to make choices ensuring their happiness is the most important thing!
Anonymous says:

8.14.05 at 11:51 am

I think that card of thanks or note made by the child is more than enough in any case. If your child especially enjoyed the class, maybe some homemade cookies or muffins are nice. I’ve also donated to a charity or bought a library in the teacher’s name for an extraordinary job (but I dont want to get into your previous log about charity!)

My children go to traditional school and the teachers tell me that they simply receive too many gifts – most of them well meaning but utlimately destined for tag sales or regifting. They just get too much. Imagine 20 kids in a class times years of teaching! It’s mind boggling!

If it’s a case of a lousy job, you should let the teacher’s boss know…they DO like to hear that and keep record of such complaints.

When my children were in elementary school (preschool to about grade 2), I did tend to invite the whole class but later on, I allowed them to make the list themselves. It can be hurtful however if YOUR child is the one excluded and it’s very hard to make a life lesson of it at the younger ages. I don’t find not talking about it in front of the kids (or the parents) works too well; kids just love to talk about parties. Often (but sadly, not always)it’s unintentional that those left out find out. The feeling of exclusion hurts either way.
Anonymous says:

8.14.05 at 11:53 am

clarification — I meant bought a library BOOK — not a whole library!
P is for Presents by Littlemummy.Com says:

7.28.07 at 8:26 am

[...] Mommy questions the protocol of giving teachers gifts and wonders who else should receive a [...]