On Being a Role Model

When I started this blog, it was intended for family and friends so they could keep up with the kids and have more insight into our daily lives. But it has become so much more.

When you share the intimate details of your life, you invite criticism. I welcome other opinions because they help me sort out and define my own feelings. Through this blog, I’ve received comments from strangers, family, and friends that I may not have otherwise talked to about these issues. Case in point: My best friend from childhood, Carrie, sent me an email yesterday that left me dazed.

Carrie and I were best friends in our younger years, grew apart during high school and now I’d say we’re in “birthday card and holiday card” status. We haven’t seen each other in years, but we email occasionally. She’s been reading my blog and just sent me the most honest, eye-opening comments on my struggle with L’s anxiety.

She writes: “Is it possible that L has learned to over-react to certain situations? Is it possible that his anxiety level in those situations may not be as high as he makes it out to be, but he doesn’t know any other way to deal with stress other than to blow it up into a major crisis? (Hmm… who else do you know that does that??) He’s got a great life, so I can imagine that his only real he does what he was taught to do - CRISIS TIME. He clings. He cries. He becomes uncooperative. He shuts down. (I’ve actually seen you do 3 of those 4 things on more than one occasion.)”

Yikes. Carrie cites numerous other examples in her email - things I don’t even remember about my own childhood behavior. Here I am, wondering what’s “wrong” with my child when all I need to do is take a good look at myself. I have certainly considered/realized that my behavior is a HUGE part of how he behaves. I see him acting the EXACT same way as I do, and it’s not pretty. But hearing this perspective from someone who I have not been close to for so many years really demonstrates how deeply ingrained my behavior is. Carrie ends her email with a moral from a Reader’s Digest story: Life is lumpy. A lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat, and a lump in the breast are not the same lump. Learn to know the difference.

Thanks Carrie. I am going to work on learning the difference.

We’re off to our second swim lesson today. I am going to get in the pool with L before the lesson and get him comfortable with his surroundings. When class begins, I will leave. Above all, I will not appear angry, frustrated or desperate in my attempt to get him to participate in the lesson. I will be a good role model.