The Lesson
It did not go well. When we got to the locker room for L’s first swim lesson, he wouldn’t take off his shoes. Then he wouldn’t take off his shirt. PHAT Daddy & I had to physically force him to the pool. I left, hoping that he would be braver and separate easier from Dad if I was not around. I peeked back through the observation window about 10 minutes later and he was still clinging to Dad’s leg. I was annoyed that Dad wasn’t just leaving him there, but found out later that the instructor had suggested he stay and “watch.” Damn! I should have told her first that that would be a bad idea. After a couple more minutes, PHAT Daddy left and L ran after him. The poor instructor had to physically take him into the pool, crying. What a disaster. He cried for the 10 minutes left of the lesson while she attempted to swim around with him. He was still crying when I went to pick him up.
{Sigh.} I want to be supportive and understanding that this is obviously very difficult for him. But I also need to be firm. I feel angry, frustrated, guilty, sympathetic, and just sad.
I hope it gets easier as the weeks go on.
PHAT = Parenting, Homeschooling And Technology. That about sums up my life at the moment. 
Subscribe To This Blog
Sarah | Jul 13, 2005 | Reply
Stay strong and true to your intentions. It is better he learn how to separate himself from you now than try to learn it when he older.
Mother Crone's Homeschool | Jul 14, 2005 | Reply
As one who has a daughter who was the same way, I can commiserate. I used to stress when Reagan was little at what was wrong with her. A few days after yet another failure (dance & gymnastics) she confided that I taught her to not trust strangers, but was leaving her with strangers at class. Hmm! Made a lot of sense to me, but I just never considered it!
I let her start easing into social situations (girl scouts, with me helping) for two years, or swim classes WITH a friend. It helped tremendously. At ten, she is now able to handle new situations well, and takes all sorts of classes! Hang in there!
Anonymous | Jul 14, 2005 | Reply
wow, this must be so hard for you! forcing independence is the only way to to, because if you actually wait till they are ready, well, by then you are way too late!
this is how you raise independent and secure adults, there is simply no other way. if you show too much respect, you ruin them, you just ruin them.
Anonymous | Jul 15, 2005 | Reply
Wow, I am just astounded by this last comment. Forcing independence in my opinion is not a great way to raise an independent and secure adult. I mean ok lets just say to our children ” Sorry your afraid I really am but you’ll get over it. You’ll see and every thing will be fine you may even have fun?” Yeah sure ok but first what did we do? We belittled our childs feelings and fears and basically just told them what they are feeling is not real enough for us to take too seriously. Does that make one secure? Independent on the grounds of what? Lack of support? Aren’t we here to nurture and guide our children and help them be the best “they” can be! I say if he has fears ease him in. Praise him for what he is able to do. Be that even just walking on his own two feet into that locker room. Maybe next time he will take off his shoes:) You never know?
Shannon | Jul 15, 2005 | Reply
I have to agree with a bit of both “anonymous” posts. There is a lot of background you all don’t know about the Padawan. More issues than just not being able to do things on his own. I do feel at some point a child needs to be taught that being independent is not scary. However, I don’t agree that he will be “ruined” if I show him too much respect. I try to be 100% supportive of his feelings and have acknowledged every step he has taken. But it’s really just getting out of hand now and he needs to move past this fear.
Anonymous | Jul 15, 2005 | Reply
my first anonymous comment was actually intended as sarcasm.
i think if a child of almost 7 is not ready to separate, then he is simply not ready to separate.
has this behaviour been reinforced by an overly protective parent? perhaps. but i don’t see how leaving a screaming child with a stranger is going to lead to fostering independence.