The Good Wife’s Guide

// 4.1.05 // Filed under: Thriving

The Good Wife’s Guide
Published in Housekeeping Monthly, May 13, 1955

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. Be a little gay and more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away clutter. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables just before your husband arrives.
• Over the cooler months of the year you should light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift, too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces, comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Eliminate all noise from the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. Remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Don’t greet him with complaints or problems.
• Don’t complain if he comes home late or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a chair or lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing, pleasant voice.
• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. He is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• Remember, a good wife always knows her place.
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My friends and I got a good laugh out of this. Then I sat down with a glass of wine and read it more thoughtfully. And you know, I don’t find it all that offensive. I love to treat my husband with love and respect and cater to his needs. It does give me immense personal satisfaction to cook a nice dinner, light a fire, clear clutter, be “fresh” for him and listen to him. And I did these things much more before we had children. Now I’m just too freakin’ tired. Some days, I look exactly the same at dinner as I looked when I crawled out of bed that morning. And I complain constantly, even though I have very little to complain about. It’s just my nature.

I can’t get on board with the statements: “Don’t complain… even if he stays out all night” or “You have no right to question him.” Sorry, honey, that’s never gonna fly. Other than that, I’d like to be this “Good Wife” and have the energy to treat my husband like the Master of the House that he is. But I still want to pursue my own hobbies and friendships and self-care. Do you have to give up your “self” to treat your partner with complete respect and cater to his needs – AND care for your children? Are there enough hours in the day to do it all? Maybe if I expected just a little less of myself – less than perfection, less than getting it ALL DONE NOW, less than doing everything, every day. Maybe then there would be more peace in my home. Maybe I can strive to strike a balance between being a “Good Wife” and an exhausted, over-committed, stay-in-my-pajamas-all-day wife.

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